Blog

“Hi, I’m Alisha and I tell the important stories.”

One of the things that has helped me through the hardest times is figuring out a point to my life, a purpose, a driving theme that isn’t connected to my roles, or job, or financial status. I used to call myself a teacher, but then I wasn’t. I am a writer, but that’s just what I do for work. I ask myself, “what is the thing that gives me life that isn’t related to money or media or my relationship status?”

Self care doesn’t always look like a massage and pedicure at a vacation resort. Sure, sometimes that is exactly what it means, but I am seeing that taking care of myself more often looks like saying “no” to a project that sounds exciting, but doesn’t quite feel aligned with my purpose. When we practice letting ourselves be still, and tune into our internal compass, it becomes easier to recognize what self care should look like. Remember that at times, in order to be spared the flood, we have to get quiet. And listen.

Often in the busyness and the business of our days, we become disconnected from our bodies and our needs. When we finally get some time to breathe, our bodies will start yelling to get our attention. Here are some quick questions you can ask yourself to check in with your personal needs.

Play, as unstructured pleasurable activity, is so often ignored by women. We so often find ourselves in unending roles of caregiving, that we ignore what really makes us happy. What makes our essential selves, the selves that existed long before we were attached to a significant other or to offspring, truly happy. We have forgotten how to play.

Most of us don’t know how to trust ourselves anymore, but our bodies and souls still know what we need. It is expected and needful that we put our own oxygen mask on first. We can’t help and love others if we are dying from lack of oxygen. This truth sunk deep into me as we took off for Arizona.

I just wanted to tell you that you are enough.

For some reason, we have a hard time believing that. I just want to tell you that you are. Right here, right now, you are enough. Even if you feel like a complete mess. The epic journey of life seems to really be about learning to trust and love yourself. But that seems so hard. Here are some things you can do to start building your relationship with yourself.

Resiliency is a key character trait of people who come through hard times as stronger more compassionate people. Resiliency simply means the ability to adapt to stress and difficult situations. Now if only it were that simple to be resilient.

One of the hardest things about trauma is that you feel like you are living your life underwater. What you thought was your life, actually isn’t. It’s completely different. There is a major adjustment period as you navigate through betrayal, acceptance, and healing. So how do you get out of the water and live the life that you want?

Boundaries. When you have experienced trauma, boundaries are a necessity for your own personal growth and safety. A boundary is setting an expectation with clear definitions of what you can and cannot handle. A good boundary identifies what is your responsibility and what is not. Boundaries can be especially hard to set with our family and friends, especially when disfunction already exists.

It isn’t surprising that one of the most consistent self-care techniques for women navigating trauma is to use self affirmations. The toll of emotional and/or physical abuse from someone in a position of trust is devastating. The subconscious mind begins to believe the negative words it hears every day. In order to change the negative thought patterns and heal from the constant triggers, you have to reprogram your brain.